Reflections

Guess what? 2012 is coming to an end soon, time really fly i guess? It's just like yesterday when it's still the AMM period and in a blink of an eye, one year have passed so quickly. Loads of things changed and i started to learn to be open-minded and i guess i learn to think in a way which makes my life easier?

So is the world coming to an end on 21st December? Well i don't know and i somehow i don't believe it, if it's going to end then so be it we can never control anything on this issue could we? Reflecting on how my 2012 have passed, i actually have a lot to learn and hopefully i am able to do better in 2013? I actually had one achievement which i always wanted to, which is not to think too much & learn to let things be how it is if things are not meant to be, or if some relationship are not meant to be, learn to let go.

There is more to life and even if shit happens, life still goes on isn't it? Nobody, nothing nor the earth is going to stop just because there is obstacles and things happen, so just learn to accept whatever we need to and learn to appreciate life more. I guess it is because i am turning 20 in a month's time, and once you hit another number of your age, you will really start to think more sensible and, learn to take things and accept life more.

So the phrase of today: "Shit happens but life goes on."

Gathering

Just a little update about this week, some happy moments of my life i guess? :) As the title states, had a gathering with my awesome I.T.E clique although vick can't make it:( Thanks to Sean who organise the BBQ, which save us a lot of trouble as we all are busy, even though he is himself, thank you for sparing out your time to help us with this. Also Sean who did the marination of some of the meat, it taste delicious and it takes a lot of your effort too thank you :)

Had a good time taking snap shots and also talking about life, this and that words just can't describe how happy i am when i am with you guys. I love you all from the bottom of my heart, best 2 years i had in I.T.E and great bunch of friends i ever known.

FINALLY, I LOVE YOU GUYS <3 MEET UP MORE^^

True feelings.

Never felt so weak in my emotions before, maybe i guess i am being too strong for the past few years. My smile gets lesser and lesser, this is what my friend told me but i don't know i can't tell myself.

I am really very tired, sometimes i really don't know how to go on anymore, to change course? to quit school? I know is never a good choice to give up maybe i should see my exam results before i decide how do i go on from here? Had a row with mum today morning and finally when i enter the bathroom, my tears fall down, should i congratulate her? She finally make this daughter of hers, who can't cry for such a long time cried. Sitting down there my tears just dropped down i don't know is it some kind of relief that i finally manage to cry, or is it i really can't take it anymore.

A smile is the best make-up and disguise one can use, i also do not want my friends to worry about me, is such a miracle that i actually make friends worry for me, when i am always the one worrying for them last time. I miss the happy go lucky me who can't be found anymore...

Laughter, tears & a pint of sorrows...

Life's hard, everybody's life is hard who doesn't have a hard life? I once heard one saying "We are all born into this world to suffer." Yea i guess this saying was right after all wasn't it? When i am too innocent and joyful before i was 16 i actually took it for granted, now i guess i can't turn back the time anymore.

So for the past 3 years, i have been trying to endure, apparently it became worse when i enter poly. Taking up a course which i thought i could make it, but apparently i think too highly of myself, why would a person who failed science during her Os be able to do A-level science? I don't know what i am thinking now or whatever, i don't know how to share other than endure my life away, i shouldn't say how horrible my life is comparing to other people who maybe dying away or worse off than me but i am really feeling horrible, so horrible that i just want to lock myself away with my earpiece, drama and my beer...

How do i numb myself? Or even make myself feel better? I can only laugh like a crazy women, cry like no tomorrow and drown my sorrows in a pint once every 2 weeks? I can't get overboard i'm afraid that i will turn out to be alcoholic. But somehow it makes me sleepy after drinking, and when i feel sleepy i will turn in and then i will numb myself away from this horrible world. It's a cause and effect issue and i guess i will continue until i can find a relief which i don't know when...

How do i make myself feel better? Or even numb myself? I watch drama, which allows me to laugh like a crazy, cry like a mad women and used up 2 to 3 packets of tissues, plus a pint of beer every 2 weeks i guess? Laugh, cry and numb what i needed the most...

Humans

Humans are very complicated beings i should say. We are made up of different parts and functions differently, but one which always cause problems? Emotions.

All of us have different thinkings, we function differently and as we grew we became more doubtful of each other. We will start to stray, do things for our benefits and doubt each other. Recently as i grew older i understand more on this point, and i start to see some unsightly side of people, which i don't wish to know at all. But oh well this is human nature and we can never do it away, is just i will always doubt who will be staying with me till the end?

Is just like a full bench, when you see people filling up the seats, because they were part of your life, but when the ugly truth revealed, and one by one they are leaving the seat. End up who will be left? All emptiness and nothing else, how would humans be? Worse as we grow older? Or better? No matter what, the empty bench is forever rooted...

A Week filled with mixed emotions

Yes as the title states a week filled with mixed emotions. Why? A couple of reasons though let's begin from the top.

This is how i am feeling now for the first three parts:/ All i see are darkness:(

School started, one week passed by, new school term, new classmates, new everything. So basically i have to start from scratch to get to know new people and everything. So my class is basically okay, made a couple of friends with Radhika & Hai Minh as my campaign, as i know them since starts of school. My class is actually quite alright but there is this crazy guy, who is really over the top seriously i know i can't blame him or anything because it looks like he have autism. But he even though he have illness he is wayyy over-board man, cursing, taking off his clothes & harassing people and everything. Just one way to describe him, he is creepy ttm really OMG. He is really affecting me in class sia, i know i know i shouldn't bother about him, but how to when he is in your class? So i guess i have to endure and control this whole sem before i end up in IMH. Feel really mentally tortured everyday in school:/

Secondly, i don't know if i should continue my studies & course or not, as i am not really talented in science, but i love science:/ I don't seem to be able to cope well with my studies currently, not as well as how i used to be in I.T.E. I know i shouldn't give up halfway especially when i am finishing year one very soon, but i don't know how to go in and i really need serious reconditions and thinking, if i really want to move on in life, and have a clear idea of what i really wanna do, the situation now is just like when i look up the sky, and all i see is one whole patch of darkness.

Thirdly, i mentioned that i make some friends previously right? Actually i don't know if i can click well with them or not, it's been a week and i still feel awkward. How i wish that i'm able to feel really comfortable with them like how i am with my sem 01 classmates, but i know that everything needs time and we can't be familiar so fast or soon, so i guess i will have to try my best? Worried all day because of friendship issues.

Hoho happy birthday Bro:D

Our surprise attack on Quebec:) Haha manage to smear chocolate cake on his arms:X But he is in a mess all thanks to us hahaXD

Let's move on to happy things shall we? Anw celebrated Quebec's birthday on friday, our sem 01 class planned a surprise for him, still have to put on an act to pretend that yuki is late, and all of us is busy doing ppt so no one is lunching with him yet. I'm glad it turns out well & we really manage to give him the surprise:) Also manage to smear chocolate cake on his arms haha, i not so evil to smear them on his face can? :P HahaXD anyway wanna say " Happy 20th Birthday Ah bao:D Glad to have known you & having such a good bro. Stay cheerful always & ps *faster get a girlfriend, so i'll be spared:P*

Awesome gang<3 Had a great time with you guys, thanks for being part of my life for this 3 years:)

Happy Birthday PY:D Glad for our friendship for 3 years^^ All the nonsense we had together is seriously no joke man heheXD

Another happy issue, also celebrated Abi's 20th birthday on friday as well. Oh well she & Quebec was born on the same year, same month & even same date, how coincidental is that? Both also my close friends:) Anyway met the gang after classes, we had steamboat, and after that we went to St. Games to play. We "formed" a band and had a few awesome games, good thing i manage to distress and had lots of fun, next we move on to kinect dancing and they call me "hiao po" can. Like hallo i only dance according marhx tsk, *pouts* but i understand luhh they are only joking with me:)I'm glad that abi likes the gift we prepared for her, been with this gang of people for the 3rd year, and i must say they are bunch of best buddies, really brighten up my life and making me happy. Anyway happy 20th birthday PY:D Love you lots^^

So basically this is how my whole week went by, it's feel with mixed emotions, from the front where i feel freaked out, to the second where i feel upset and i see no future, to how i feel worried about my new friends and lastly to the 2 happy events this week which brightens up my life. So my emotion is basically like a roller coaster, a week filled with mixed emotions. Will end this post for here now, i guess i'm too naggy and it have been a long post, will put up some pictures:) Till the next time then:)

Thinking Too Much

Photo from google images:)

As the saying goes, "old habits die hard" i had this bad habit of mine following me ever since i'm young, what is the bad habit? The habit which most girls have which is thinking too much.

I keep thinking about everything, from studies to life, this incident which is around me now, there is this friend of mine which i can talk to quite well he is my previous sem classmate and due to the fact that we both stayed at west side, thus we manage to talk well. The class started the rumours about us, and recently it was made till quite big that his I.T.E friends also somehow found out about this & jokes about us as well. The problem is, i can't seem to find out how or what he's feeling normally any guy who don't have the slightest bit of interest in the girl, would at least deny or looks annoyed. But the thing is he is neither showing any, and at the same time i know very well that he's not interested at all, but why is he being like that?

Yesterday went home with him and another friend, apparently after friday's incident where his I.T.E friends disturbed us, i started to avoid a bit yes i only talk more to another friend because i feel awkward. Also i sense he's somehow avoiding me as well, so other than feeling weird & awkward i really don't know how to feel anymore. Tried to be normal and talk to him but idk i can't make it OMG my face is filled with "hey i'm feeling weird" look, we texted & chatted like normal when both of us reach home but it's so different when we face each other and i miss him & my friend, i had such wonderful west buddies from poly which i don't wanna lose. I admit i have good feelings for him but is not to the extent which i actually like or falls in love with him, if all these continues i guess it would become "Officially i'm avoiding you" which is what i don't wanna happen.

I feel so lost and i keep thinking about it, how he feels how i feel awkward & weird this and that. I tried convincing myself that "don't think too much about this, it doesn't mean ANYTHING." But apparently is not helping so now how? Idk and i really hope to find an answer real soon:(