Gathering

Just a little update about this week, some happy moments of my life i guess? :) As the title states, had a gathering with my awesome I.T.E clique although vick can't make it:( Thanks to Sean who organise the BBQ, which save us a lot of trouble as we all are busy, even though he is himself, thank you for sparing out your time to help us with this. Also Sean who did the marination of some of the meat, it taste delicious and it takes a lot of your effort too thank you :)

Had a good time taking snap shots and also talking about life, this and that words just can't describe how happy i am when i am with you guys. I love you all from the bottom of my heart, best 2 years i had in I.T.E and great bunch of friends i ever known.

FINALLY, I LOVE YOU GUYS <3 MEET UP MORE^^

True feelings.

Never felt so weak in my emotions before, maybe i guess i am being too strong for the past few years. My smile gets lesser and lesser, this is what my friend told me but i don't know i can't tell myself.

I am really very tired, sometimes i really don't know how to go on anymore, to change course? to quit school? I know is never a good choice to give up maybe i should see my exam results before i decide how do i go on from here? Had a row with mum today morning and finally when i enter the bathroom, my tears fall down, should i congratulate her? She finally make this daughter of hers, who can't cry for such a long time cried. Sitting down there my tears just dropped down i don't know is it some kind of relief that i finally manage to cry, or is it i really can't take it anymore.

A smile is the best make-up and disguise one can use, i also do not want my friends to worry about me, is such a miracle that i actually make friends worry for me, when i am always the one worrying for them last time. I miss the happy go lucky me who can't be found anymore...

Laughter, tears & a pint of sorrows...

Life's hard, everybody's life is hard who doesn't have a hard life? I once heard one saying "We are all born into this world to suffer." Yea i guess this saying was right after all wasn't it? When i am too innocent and joyful before i was 16 i actually took it for granted, now i guess i can't turn back the time anymore.

So for the past 3 years, i have been trying to endure, apparently it became worse when i enter poly. Taking up a course which i thought i could make it, but apparently i think too highly of myself, why would a person who failed science during her Os be able to do A-level science? I don't know what i am thinking now or whatever, i don't know how to share other than endure my life away, i shouldn't say how horrible my life is comparing to other people who maybe dying away or worse off than me but i am really feeling horrible, so horrible that i just want to lock myself away with my earpiece, drama and my beer...

How do i numb myself? Or even make myself feel better? I can only laugh like a crazy women, cry like no tomorrow and drown my sorrows in a pint once every 2 weeks? I can't get overboard i'm afraid that i will turn out to be alcoholic. But somehow it makes me sleepy after drinking, and when i feel sleepy i will turn in and then i will numb myself away from this horrible world. It's a cause and effect issue and i guess i will continue until i can find a relief which i don't know when...

How do i make myself feel better? Or even numb myself? I watch drama, which allows me to laugh like a crazy, cry like a mad women and used up 2 to 3 packets of tissues, plus a pint of beer every 2 weeks i guess? Laugh, cry and numb what i needed the most...

Humans

Humans are very complicated beings i should say. We are made up of different parts and functions differently, but one which always cause problems? Emotions.

All of us have different thinkings, we function differently and as we grew we became more doubtful of each other. We will start to stray, do things for our benefits and doubt each other. Recently as i grew older i understand more on this point, and i start to see some unsightly side of people, which i don't wish to know at all. But oh well this is human nature and we can never do it away, is just i will always doubt who will be staying with me till the end?

Is just like a full bench, when you see people filling up the seats, because they were part of your life, but when the ugly truth revealed, and one by one they are leaving the seat. End up who will be left? All emptiness and nothing else, how would humans be? Worse as we grow older? Or better? No matter what, the empty bench is forever rooted...