Jacket

In the end, i fall for you. i wouldn't say that it's love, but more like i have special feelings for you instead, and guess what? I realized that due to a very bad situation. Remember the promise which you made to me? You said if i'm upset and i needed you, once i call you and you will try your best to appear and be there for me. You got angry and said this privilege was revoked because i never call you? Do you know how upset i felt? How hurt am i? Twice i hold back for not calling because firstly i don't wanna be like her, you are not my who you know, how in the world can i do this? Secondly no guy have ever treat me so well before, not even my ex-boyfriend, is just so not real you know? Also since young i'm always the one which my friends lean on, they depended on me and i am always the strong one. I'm so afraid that i got attached to you do you know that? Because you doesn't belong to me, i can never walk into your heart, so the only harsh thing i can do to myself is to not be attached to you. Thirdly, ever since previous incident, i'm very cautious towards guys i'm so afraid of getting hurt, and you almost made me let-go, and if anything would to happen i wouldn't hesitate to call you, but no now everything changed because of you.


People tell me that the vibe we 2 gave is very different, but i can't seem to feel anything because i felt that you seem to treat every girl almost the same. But what you did makes me linger and think about what they say, which guy would give his personal jacket to a girl who is not his girlfriend? Which guy would suddenly grab you on your waist and hug you so tightly like he's so afraid that you'll disappear? Tell me please? I hate to linger down there like one idiot and think like mad, where i won't even get an answer or whatsoever. You never know that i'm so afraid to get attached to you, instead i transfer my attachment to the jacket which you gave me. The over-sized feeling when the jacket was on me, it feels as though your just beside me, hugging me tightly and your smell the smell that belongs to you, just you. Now that school ended, i guess we'll be apart and it's so hard to see you. Maybe like what my friends say "It'll be good for you to be away from him, your feelings might be washed away and you might not even like him anymore in the future." But i guess it's not gonna work, because your jacket is still with me, which means a part of your would always be with me...

Two months,61 days. This 61 days was one of the hardest in my life. Everything just came crashing down on me from studies like final-year project, friendship problems, unsolved relationship questions and most importantly the chaos which hit our family.

From Final-year project honestly i don't know what to say about my supervisor of our project, she's really useless it's okay if she's useless as long as we can settle things on our own, but the problem was that without her approval we can't do anything at all. Thus the project was all stuck at one section and we have to rush through all the deadlines in the end.
Friendship problems? I really don't wish to harp on that but sometimes i really felt the distance, its not the fact that i don't wish to salvage or meet-up but i really can't do anything with so much crashing down on me. Another problem which was really bad, once two friends had an argument, was it so hard to patch back? Even when patching back was possible, the crack can't seem to be removed anymore right? Once its there, its not gonna go away right? I'm really tired i feel like giving up and i don't wish to salvage anymore. Just let it be, what meant to happen would happen wasn't it? Also i can't seem to let go of a scary fact which i found out, it makes me feel like distancing like i can't seem to face it right anymore and it's really bearing hard on me like real hard.

Unsolved relationship questions? I don't even wanna think about it anymore, i really felt that the problem between us was too much,too much obstacles which we have to go through. Can we make it? No or more like I don't even know if you're going to make it with me, or i'm not even certain about how i felt towards you. Maybe i'm avoiding the question, or i'm denying but i really don't know and i don't even know how to think about it.
Our family was really chaotic mum's illness relapsed and she was hospitalized for one month, she got really bad and our whole family had to support each other throughout this tough moment. Sadly at the same time, grandma fainted and was hospitalized as well, more horrible news hit our family and its really a tough period for the Lim's. Although we manage to over-come it but i felt so tired, i have to rush between housework, both hospital and school at the same time. My health totally went down the slope, i keep falling sick and i can't even sleep at night, maybe i never cared myself enough or my lifestyle was really unhealthy but in anyway it's really bad.

I really wished that i could run away from all these, i wanna cover my eyes and pretend that non of these problems were crashing up on me, but i can't do that because running away won't solve any problems. But for once can i do that? Really close my eyes and pretend that nothing was going on because i'm really really very tired...