Sunset

Hello 2014 :) I guess i am a little late right? It's already almost mid of Feburary yo. As usual time waits for no man and look in a blink January is gone, chinese new year is coming to an end soon and so does the end of my Year 2 life is drawing near, not to forget that i turned 21, the adulthood which is waiting for me and the responsibility i have to bear becomes heavier but i am happy to shoulder them. :)

I must admit i had a rough half month of January and maybe a little of Feburary? But no matter how bad things are, grit your teeth through and in end things would be resolved somehow? But in the process, never forget who is there for you and who helped you to make things better. It's just like the sunset, every time when a day end, the sun would show it's beauty to the earth before it departs, in life always show the beauty you want others to see, so that they will always remember how once you shown brightly in their lives. Same goes for problems, when the problems are being resolved, it would show the beautiful shade which you worked hard for, so always tell myself never give up and it's okay to be not okay but make sure that we manage to get up after that, there is always hope for everything. I always remember what someone told me "You have this gift of kindness and endurance, your endurance makes you strong and I've seen how you progress in and walk pass so many obstacles with your endurance and tolerance, your kindness is real-felt and it brings warmth to others around you." I will always keep that in mind and go on in my life.

Sunset are beautiful, because they show people how wonderful they are in the day and always let people remember them in the most beautiful, make your life a fruitful one and make sure when your sun sets, you are smiling and people will always remember the once bright sun which gave them warmth and shown brightly in their life. :)

Rainy Days

It's December, almost reaching the end of 2013 time flies and yes this little girl is turning 21 in one & a half month's time and after that no more little girl i guess? :) Because it's the end of the year and it's the monsoon season, so we have rain almost every single day, life is just like rainy days.

Life is always a bitch we all know that and that is something we can't escape, what is more worse is how human's true character is really like, i'm only in my early 20s, still a student and i happen to go through & see so much of what is happening around my life almost everday. Why do we have to make life so difficult for each other? Aren't we all same? We are all humans right? I know nobody is perfect, but some are even our friends, why? Why must we make things so ugly? Anyway i am in no position to say all these because i am one of a bitch myself, i really dislike what my close friend is doing, and i am angry at her but i chose to kept quiet about it, and blame it to the fact that i don't want anything else to happen till we graduated, isn't that very fake and cowardly of me? Being evil to our friends around us, being such a fake person and everything, seriously i am very sick of how i am and what i am developing into.

Nobody knows that being sick for these two days, not going to school actually makes me very happy and i never had such a peaceful 2 days of my life, where i can actually have a breather away from school, and i get to lock myself away from so many things, and most importantly i don't have to be someone i don't wanna be in front of my close friend, she never know how apologetic i feel towards her, and i am super afraid that i might blow up at her one day and what happen 2 years ago might repeat itself again. There is too much rainy days in my life recently, but i will pray hard that the rainbow will show after everything, because no matter what happened, we always have to suck it up and go on in life isn't it?

Alone

I've changed i know myself too well, why? I changed because of him and i changed because of what i saw with my own eyes, it's just only in school not even the society yet and all i feel about life is just make me feel utterly disgusted.

The old me don't fancy wearing sleeveless, i kept my hair short and i never really bother so much about how i look or i never felt that i am so vain before, but i changed because of him which gave me such a huge blow. I hate that i blame him for my change or i should just say straight in the face that because i am vain, which is why i changed right? But the society and him makes me understand that one's appearance is so important. Feel so disgusted on how i blame him & the society and i feel so disgusted on how such a two face person i am. What i see and experience in school makes me feel even more disgusted, why does human have to be this way? I know it's the way of life and everything but seriously everyday going school just makes me feel really just so disgusted...

Nothing beats being alone, with my favourite sand, sea and sky. Went out alone today for a walk and really it feels so good, esp when i feel my feet being buried in the sand and the cooling sea water splashing on my legs. That's the only place where i can really let-go of myself and makes me feel just slightly better.

Conclusion for the 6 weeks of break.

Time flies and so soon it's already the last day of my Y2S1 term break, so when school starts tomorrow new semester, new classmates and new modules and new shit that i have to go through and see as a RP student. 6 weeks of holidays seems to pass so fast, but 6 weeks of school seems to take forever to reach. Anyway gonna share what happen in my holidays and the major activities which i went to and everything.

Starting of my holidays i went to Beijing China with my family members, we had loads of fun as i finally have to chance to visit all the historical places which i really wish to go and also we manage to visit other famous landmarks and also shopping paradise of Beijing.

Next met up with half of the AMM peeps for Donny's house warming, as usual we had fun and laughter and also thinking back to all the good old days at AMM, the buffet food was awesome and of course seeing all my fellow AMM kakis :)

Also during this holiday i have to take care of my grandma, the job of taking her back to the hospital for some of the check-ups lands on me, because one thing i am the only free one, the other is i love her too much so i don't mind taking care of her, and see we look good together in the photo yea? :D

Also meeting my dearest Y1S1 besties Ding Qi is also a must during my term break, we are always meuseum buddies and we travel around singapore to find interesting exhibitions and historical stuff. :)

Thanks to Yu Xin, we get to revive our childhood and head to the zoo, we had fun esp since we had been childhood friends and we know each other for 9 years already, had an awesome sunday with them. :)

Lunch with Aunty Lim & Vik and after that we went to pay a visit to wing, he is adorable but somehow i'm afraid of him as well hehe. :P

Head back to college central to visit all our lecturers and also my dear CA Ms Elfa, they treated us lunch and we really spend a long afternoon over there and we left super late, but if i am given a chance i rather go back to ITE again somehow.

Went clubbing at Mink with the girls Rad & Xiu Li one for ladies night which is quite fun, and another for guest list on a saturday night but that night was horrible, and non of us really enjoyed it much at all. Neverthless it's a good experience and yes me & Rad was like literally mad hehe :P

Met Jemmy for movie and lunchie in the afternoon and ganga & Kat for road-side dinner, simple and nice also had an awesome time catching up with each other. :D

Went on to USS to had my enjoyment time before my pass expires on november 30th, had fun but not really excited because after going there for too many times, somehow we can expect what to see, and what kind of rides they have for us already. :/

Met my poly girls for lunchie at seoul garden and guess what? Our dearest Vik ate too much and she literally vomited in the washroom after our meal, and she knocks down the dustbin beside the esclator inside the shopping mall. Imagine all the face-palm face we shown when we are with her. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA XD

Finally the day comes for our annual BBQ at Sean's place :) The usual fun, laughter and nonsense us haha and yes heaven have to rain cats and dogs on us at 10pm plus, just like how it was the previous year. *Roll Eyes* But still most important we had fun and that's the main point hehe :D

Finally just finished the newton challenge 2013 volunteer event with Rad and Yi Lin, and both me and Rad manage to corrupt Yi Lin haha and she becomes like us, who looks at hot guys hehe. But i swear it's tiring because it's not fun doing event when it's day 01 or day 02, but i guess i don't have a choice do it? O.o But at least we get 25 bucks in the end. :D

This is what happens mostly during my term break, and actually comparing to my other term breaks i went out wayy lesser this time round, but u still had fun and i have my sleep, so i am contented. :) Okay that's it for now and see you when i see you sooon yea? Tomorrow is first day of school yo hais. :( Good Night Earth. :)

Final Words.

It all started 2 days ago, on a sunday night when you suddenly texted me " ):sorry......" at around 10 plus at night, you can never imagine my shock when i saw that text, how long have it been since our last contact? Almost 6 months and when i am finally really over you, and i have moved on, everyone is telling me not to reply but i can't control myself and after 4 hours of struggling i texted back "Kayy hmm. You okay? Did you send wrong message? O.o" & you replied the next morning, and as much as i guessed, you told me you are drunk & you never send wrong message.

I treated you as a normal friend, and i asked you to not drink so much & take care, and you started by telling me your troubles in school and so on, finally i raised the question and ask you why did you text me last night? Your answer shocked me once again, you said "Dunno? My subconscious done while i'm drunk" and we go on normally, i told you that you can always talk to me and you never replied anymore.

11.50pm, you asked if i'm asleep or not, and i said no, i don't know why you have to text me that way to see if i have a bf currently or not, which i don't actually. Also we dragged to your sleeping problems again, and you mention about your friend's theory. I said go look for a gf or a wife and we started again the problem we have when we were in a relationship, then you asked me "Are you glad you already left me?" "Or are you shocked" I chose to ask you back the question because i wanna know your answer, guess what? You said you are not glad, but trust me from the start is you freaking make me left you, and you have to drop me a bombshell telling me it is actually the fact that you are trying to protect me? You know from this point, i actually tried to trust what you said, and i wanna believe you, but subconsciously somehow i can't trust what you said and in the end you left because you rather i hate you then what might happen in the end which you would hurt me super badly & everyone will hate you? Bullshit all bullshit.

This is really how i feel:
你选择让我恨你, 所以才那么对我? 你会后悔会痛苦, 我就好得到那里去? 说穿了你也是自私不是吗? 当初自己决定, 对我公不公平, 我也有表达的份不是吗? 那晚你就不应该喝醉, 不该发那封简讯给我。我就不应该心软, 把你当朋友回复给你。我从来都没办法恨你。

你说你应该选择我的信念, 让两个人幸福或许我们现在就不一样了。你的选择不只伤害了你自己, 也让我在那半年里过的那么痛苦。我们都错了, 错的彻彻底底。

But anyway, like i said i can never hate you so this is what i will tell you finally:
I'm glad we manage to talk things out last night, i guess we have nothing else to do with each other anymore right? Bye Bye & Take Care L.T :)

Fairytale

Recently i love a Japanese actor cum singer called Matsumoto Jun from Arashi, so i went ahead to watch this drama called Hana Yori Dango which is Boys Over Flowers, they have Taiwan version, Korea version and also this Japanese version. I must say original country is still the best right? The way they choose their cast is not only good, but also the film it short & sweet is like the whole story line is done within season 1 with 9 episodes, and season 2 with 11 episodes & a final movie. So in total is like 20 episodes of drama and one near 3 hour movie to conclude the whole storyline.

The male lead learns the truth of life and how to be like a human through the female lead, and why is my title fairytale for this post? Because i admire the author who came up with all these plot be it for the manga or the drama. We all know the world we lived in is cruel and realistic, but this drama actually manage to display out what we as humans actually wish for deep inside our heart,it shows us the impossible happened and it's so sweet espically the love between the male and female lead is so true and no matter how long it passes it never change at all. The male and female lead broke though the social difference and showed us that it's actually a possible to everything in our life to occur.

If you have not catch this drama before, please do watch it & laugh with how funny & dumb the leads are and also cry along with them for their relationship, root for them to go and fight against all the differences against life. Maybe you will understand a different aspect of life after this drama, and also why not let ourselves go for a while & sink ourselves inside this fantasy world? You might feel better after the whole series, and maybe there could be a difference in how you feel & view about life after that, highly recommended yo haha. :)

领悟

好久没更新这个部落格了，光阴似箭两个月过去了，转眼间已经是八月了。想来2013年也过了三分之四了吧？好快哦岁月终究还是不饶人哈哈。

不知何时心里有一天就开窍了，算是领悟吧？才发现原来自己那么傻，和他分手了三个月，伤心，泪流，心痛只因为我以为自己很在乎他，爱他其实仔细想来，把事情推至当初和他暧昧到结合的那段时间，他的出现本来就是那么的不真实，让我从不可置信到渐渐靠近，到后来的怦然心动。我甚至和他在一起时曾经质问过自己的心是否对他一样是有感觉的？我喜欢他吗？为何我可以似有似无的不介意他的不知所踪？当初接受他是否是因为被他的所作所为感动了？毕竟感动不是感情它是不一样的。后来他给与我的安全感让我也渐渐陷进去了，一点点的他在我心中的分量与日俱增，到后来我和他分开才知道他对我有多重要，心里其实是那么的在乎他，人啊往往都是要失去了才知道所谓的重要性。

我以为我会很难放下他，毕竟如果我真在乎一个人他真的是会挥之不去，形影不离的紧跟随我，没想到过了三个月我差不多好的七七八八，这才领悟到原来我心里面割舍不开的并不是他，而是我失去了我从来没有得到过的东西。所以在失去是才会痛不欲生，当然我不可否认的是我对他是有感觉的，只是并煤油我想象的那么深罢了。偶尔会想如果我当初没提出要分开的要求，那我们现在会是什么样子？还会一直走下去吗？可回神过来想想，现在想这些还会有意义吗？没有了反正我们之间已是过去式，没法挽回或改变什么了不是吗？倒不如让这所有随风散去吧。

其实我并不怨，也不恨毕竟我们曾经快乐过，也有过哪些美好的回忆，经过了这件事我也学会了更多，领悟的也多了。谢谢你让我有过那段美好的时光，也让我上了人生与爱情一堂宝贵的课。只是从此我不会再轻易的接受或踏出那一步了，真正对与有缘的人无论如何都会遇上的，他也会有办法让我自己踏出那一步。我会耐心的等待他的出现。:)

Bye L, I've let go and i know you had already done so long ago...