A month passed...

I told you that i want a break up, and yes i guess you agreed silently maybe from the start you never wanted this relationship but you never know how my heart broke when i saw that text of yours saying "I felt like i couldn't commit..." Then from the start why did you even come near me? Fucking why? What happened to all the promise that you made? Didn't i warn you to give up on me? I told you before, i am in pieces and just go and give up on me? No i know now there is no point in saying all these anymore, because nothing is coming back and it never will come back.

Remember the place where we sat? where you asked me to be together? Yes i have no courage to step back to that place that seat. But i went back in on the 4th of June. Supposed to be our 3rd month anniversary, and the 1st month after we broke up, i have the courage to step back in, but i don't have the courage to stay there for long, or even cry out loud i feel so helpless at that moment. I can tell you honestly i really still miss you alot, what we did together, the places we been together, what you said to me, everything is like a shadow cast around me, the more i try to shake it off, especially your love the clearer it gets. Can i beg you to faster leave me? Just leave and bring everything away with you & don't ever come back...

Leaving You Silently...

After the second month of our anniversary, i gave up on us and i decided to leave you silently after we texted each other, after seeing what you told me in the text, i feel that there is no point in our relationship anymore.

When i asked you "Do you intend to break up?" Yet this is what you replied me, "Break Up? I thought we are just at the trying out period? I felt like I couldn't commit... While everything is like coming at once....." This text keep hitting my mind and haunting me. Why? When i told you to gave up on my initially, why you told me to not let you go, and all the promises that you once made to me and told me? Everything changed so fast and now everything is gone, i don't wanna linger around you and wait for you while you left me hanging, floating around and i don't know what is our relationship status now, it's hard to cut you off my heart it's just like cutting a flesh off me, but i know i have to do it. If i don't do it i would end up suffering even more, the only best thing i can do for you finally is to leave you quietly, give you back your freedom since you say that you can't commit.

I still love you and i guess i will love you for quite a while, and all i can do is to let my pain heal by itself slowly...

自欺欺人还是自我安慰？

4月一号，不小心发了错的信息，已经四天没联系的我们却因为这个不小心的错误，让我从梦里醒了。而且还醒的七七八八。我不知道怎么说可是我对这段感情已经了解了，还是我们的差别太多了？当初和你在一起的安全感荡然无存，那份快乐和幸福我已经不知道它飞去哪里了。

还记得当初你的承诺，那个承诺不会让我流泪，不会消失，不会先放手的那个你到那去了？你四天前说你接下来三个星期都会很忙，我能明白也能了解可是你不知道你的音讯全无让我心里很不好受。难道1再忙也不能传一则简讯给我吗？虽然嘴里说不在意，可是你不知道每当我的电话亮起，或征动是我心里其实有的多么希望那使你传来的简讯，起码让我知道你心里其实、还是在乎我的。很多人告诉我 “放弃吧，他很大的可能性是玩完了，所以都没联络你。” 可是只有我这个傻瓜不愿意相信，还在维护你说还没见到你，还没和你谈我不能太早下定论，因为或许你忙起来是这样的。可是现在我连自己都觉得很难在说服我自己， 因为连我都开始胡思乱想了。想一想我们1之间的差别或许太大了从抽烟的问题，到我们家里的差别到我们的生活，让我自己怀疑或许我们比较适合当朋友。至少当初是朋友的那个两年，和开始熟悉的那个星期我们是很快乐的畅谈不是吗？

当初你就知道我被上次的事情搞的遍体鳞伤，我要求过你放弃我因为我很难踏出那一步，而且我并不想伤害你，是谁胸有成竹的告诉我你不要也不会。甚至还求我不要把你这样放开不要把你丢下？我问过你当初的感觉是不是一时的？因为那并不是爱情，可是你却说不是还说我会是你这辈子爱的最后一个女孩？原来这些都只是泡影。为何当初我叫你放弃我，你却不要？现在也让我那么痛苦， 边写这篇部落阁边忍住泪水，把它往肚子里吞。

还有很多感受一时说不出来，让我给自己多一次机会吧，三天后也就是4月4号是我们的纪念日，如果到了4月5号 你还是音讯全无的话，就让我来结束自己的痛苦。 4月16号，星期二我知道你不用上学，让我在开课只前解决所有的事情吧。我依然爱你只是我开始迷失在我们的感情里，好累好难过不想在骗自己也不想在强忍泪水了。

Between Us

Time flies and half a month passed since we are together, you know from the start it's so sweet and feeling so loving with you, till the fact which i don't feel right ever since our last date on Friday. Yes i may be paranoid and i need a lot of security when it comes to relationship, i felt that whenever i am with you, but what happened ever since Friday?

Also what i love most about you is always your honesty, and you always seems to be able to tell me everything, but today morning you told me is better not to see you? But yet you said you love me, and when i ask if you have the thought of breaking up, you said no and you never thought about it, but why? Even though i can somehow guess the reason, but deep in my heart i was actually wishing that you will tell me honestly, and out from your mouth. I know there is this two barrier between us, but i believe if we work it out together, it will help you know? Also we promised to each other before that if we truly love each other, love can overcome everything? Where is the confident, and loving you which touched me at first? Who is the one who promised to walk with me and prove to me that he is not just like the other guys previously?

I hope everything would turn out fine soon? At least let us have the chance to talk it out, instead of you telling me better to not see you. I took this photo without you knowing, and i love it although is a random shot but i find it nice.

And lastly i really wanna tell you I Love You:')

I Love You...

Officially together with you on the 4th of March 2013. We agreed to give it a shot and see how we fare in this 3 months. Is hard for you to chase me this whole month, trying to bring me out of the broken past & promise me that we will be happy together. I grew to love you and i believe that as long as we love each other, we will be able to overcome everything right?

Sometimes fate this kind of things is really pretty funny, i know you 2 years ago and yet that time nothing happen between us, finally fate decides to come knocking in and we ended up together. I just wanna tell you, thank you for making me believe in love again, i don't know how far we will go or how long you will continue to love me. But i just wanna tell you i love you and if we are fated, we will last together. Let's just see how things goes for this 3 months first. :) Love you <3

Dilemma...

没有一点点防备, 也没有一丝顾虑, 你就这样出现在我的世界里。

Yes this is how i am going to describe my feelings now, from a random Facebook chat, to the exchange of numbers, to texting everyday, to you confessing. Honestly i am very touched and i feel very sweet when i see how you treated me. Although everything is a bit too fast, but progressing as fast, i began to feel comfortable with you and very fast you are in my bro zone. Although you told me you don't ever wanna be in this zone, but you have to past through this zone before you are able to enter into my heart.

I know the promise which you make to me, and yes so far you manage to fulfil so many of it, you told me you know that i am paranoid and you are willing to walk with me through this path promising me that you will prove to me that you are different from the previous guy who hurt me. After hearing all these honestly if i don't at least feel touched i am seriously not a human, but i have my doubts which makes me feel bad towards you because you are giving me so much, yet i keep trying to push you away, and being paranoid over everything. You told me you understand because of the previous guy who left such a deep scar on my emotions, and you will heal it for me, thank you i really feel very touched, but i can't help but feel that i am hurting you in someway or another.

I guess time and more interactions with you, will allow me to understand you better? I really love the sunflower which you send to me, and also the daily e-mail you promised i will look forward to reading it everyday. For now, just for now thank you bro. :)

Start of a new year 2013.

Neglected this site of mine for a month, the last post is dated back into 16 of December, & in a flash of an eye 2012 ended and a new start of 2013 begins. A lot of changes in my life, and as i turned into my BIG TWO more responsibilities came in and also more changes which i have to adapt to.

Firstly HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE. Heh i know it's a bit late, but late better than never right? :) Anyway school is as usual, and i started working in breadtalk as a part-time customer service crew. I can say the staff there are all nice, just that particular lady which i don't really fancy. Oh well, shall not spoil my mood by mentioning her, also i won't really see her that often too do i? So better nit bad-mouth people, i learn to control myself a lot when i grew older. :) Okay so basically that is regarding my work, now into school oh well my UT1 grades are horrible man, but who can i blame other than myself? So now i can't say i am trying my best, but at least i will work hard and improve myself.

Okay enough of all these, guess what? I turned 20. OMG can't believe that time passes so fast, is just like just back then, i just finish my PSLE. *Okay this is exaggerating.* But really time waits for no man so fast 20 years passed and now i am almost into my adulthood, as i turned 20 more responsibility which i have to shoulder, my own life which i have to take care of, and most importantly take care of my aging parents. Suddenly really i felt like an adult and yes i have more things to bear and more things to learn in life.

Had a small conversation with daddy today, as it's time for dinner, daddy came & fetch me for dinner & offer to hold my hand and walk to the kitchen, he is telling me, how he can't forget that he always used to hold my hand as a small girl, every morning to go down and take the school bus. Now he say it's been so long since he last held my hand, and now the small girl is taller than him, & grew into a young lady.
It makes me feel so touched and sad at the same time, touched is that his love for me grew as i am older, and he is still so doting towards me. Upset is because he is getting old and i am starting to feel afraid that he is growing old, daddy i love you as always thank you for all the love and care you showered me over the 2o years of my life, ever since i land feet onto this world i love you always. :') <3

Lastly wishing everybody have a good 2013 ahead, i will grow to be more mature. :)