宣泄

我只需要一个地方宣泄我心里的感受。

他们说两个好朋友只要谁先爱上谁，那个人就输了。我很怕我会输，可能因为上一段的伤害让我始终都无法相信男人，加上你又是那么捉摸不定的一个人让我无法对你有任何感觉却又无法漠视你在我心里的重要性。你的好，你的白痴，你的温柔是那么的好。可是心里的那一个障碍让我无法爱上你。我们算什么？一个我很想问却又问不出口的问题。我最怕的就是我把你当成他的替代品，或许你也把我当成了她的替代品吧。我们这样下去会好吗？你说不要去烦恼未发生的事情，让未来的我们去担心吧。可是我不相信在你心里你从来不曾质问自己，或许你有吧我们竟是如此的相似却越走越远。

还又许多我不曾提起却围绕着我的问题，看来我们之间的未来一点也不乐观。或许我会悄悄的离开吧，只要没有开始我就不会失去不是吗？至少我不会失去你，也不会失去对我而言非常重要的人。

Confession

You are like a very best friend to me, i never met someone which we think, feel and everything so alike just like a soul mate, we said it before and we're even surprised how alike our family & house is, everything is just such a coincidence. Also i can't deny that you brought a special impact into my life, and I don't know if i would ever feel anything special for you or not, but i really might one day is just that i don't know when will it be. Maybe when I've gotten over him? Maybe a year? Or maybe my six months policy might not work out this time, because you're just so special somehow. But for now we're best of friends and what we lack is that "feel" between us, i don't know if we ever might feel anything between us, but let's just allow things to be natural and see how it goes yea? But there is something which i wanna tell you, but i always never said it out or maybe i won't ever say it out.

"If one day you ever feel that i felt something special for you, & if you felt the same please do tell me about it, but if you don't feel anything special, then just pretend that you don't know anything or never feel anything okay?"

累

因为我太在乎, 我怕失去, 所以会小心翼翼地揣摩。努力的去迎合深怕那看似愈合的伤口，会因为我而撕裂开来。人与人之间的感情为何总是那么脆弱不堪？

还有一些不知是否会发生的事情，或者我不会让它发生因为我经不起再一次的失去，还是一旦发生了我赌上的不止那一些，失去的也会更多。永远担着的这些问题虽然我会坚强，会处理和面对可是心里的恐惧和不安没有人明白，我也不能说出口。

曾经何时我开始活的那么累?

A Blank Piece Of Paper

Do you once have this feeling in which you just wanna throw everything away, and head to a new place, a new country where nobody knows you and you can start all over again? Like a blank piece of paper? Where you can forget all your unhappiness, start as a whole new person, be who you wanna be, not worrying about how you have to answer to things and no one will judge you? That seems great isn't it?

I've been feeling that ever since the second half of last year, somehow what i say seems to be like running away from reality but really i wanna leave Singapore, anywhere is fine just let me be out of Singapore for at least 2 to 3 years. But family is the one which holds me back, and yes certain people as well they are so special and dear to me, which i can't bear to leave them just like that. But oh well shall see how the future goes, never know what's gonna happen right?

自我怀疑

我做人是不是很失败？我觉得我好像没有智慧那样。一次又一次的伤害我身边珍惜的人，或者到头来我发现我根本不了解我的朋友。我说话还没有长进吗？还是朋友相处太久或是每天黏在一起久了，就一定会有磨擦？这样的人生好累哦，我一直在失去我所珍惜的人，到头来我都不知到该怎么做了。我是真的真的好累好累。为什么我不能潇洒一点？心软和不舍真的是我致命的弱点。

Sunset

Hello 2014 :) I guess i am a little late right? It's already almost mid of Feburary yo. As usual time waits for no man and look in a blink January is gone, chinese new year is coming to an end soon and so does the end of my Year 2 life is drawing near, not to forget that i turned 21, the adulthood which is waiting for me and the responsibility i have to bear becomes heavier but i am happy to shoulder them. :)

I must admit i had a rough half month of January and maybe a little of Feburary? But no matter how bad things are, grit your teeth through and in end things would be resolved somehow? But in the process, never forget who is there for you and who helped you to make things better. It's just like the sunset, every time when a day end, the sun would show it's beauty to the earth before it departs, in life always show the beauty you want others to see, so that they will always remember how once you shown brightly in their lives. Same goes for problems, when the problems are being resolved, it would show the beautiful shade which you worked hard for, so always tell myself never give up and it's okay to be not okay but make sure that we manage to get up after that, there is always hope for everything. I always remember what someone told me "You have this gift of kindness and endurance, your endurance makes you strong and I've seen how you progress in and walk pass so many obstacles with your endurance and tolerance, your kindness is real-felt and it brings warmth to others around you." I will always keep that in mind and go on in my life.

Sunset are beautiful, because they show people how wonderful they are in the day and always let people remember them in the most beautiful, make your life a fruitful one and make sure when your sun sets, you are smiling and people will always remember the once bright sun which gave them warmth and shown brightly in their life. :)

Rainy Days

It's December, almost reaching the end of 2013 time flies and yes this little girl is turning 21 in one & a half month's time and after that no more little girl i guess? :) Because it's the end of the year and it's the monsoon season, so we have rain almost every single day, life is just like rainy days.

Life is always a bitch we all know that and that is something we can't escape, what is more worse is how human's true character is really like, i'm only in my early 20s, still a student and i happen to go through & see so much of what is happening around my life almost everday. Why do we have to make life so difficult for each other? Aren't we all same? We are all humans right? I know nobody is perfect, but some are even our friends, why? Why must we make things so ugly? Anyway i am in no position to say all these because i am one of a bitch myself, i really dislike what my close friend is doing, and i am angry at her but i chose to kept quiet about it, and blame it to the fact that i don't want anything else to happen till we graduated, isn't that very fake and cowardly of me? Being evil to our friends around us, being such a fake person and everything, seriously i am very sick of how i am and what i am developing into.

Nobody knows that being sick for these two days, not going to school actually makes me very happy and i never had such a peaceful 2 days of my life, where i can actually have a breather away from school, and i get to lock myself away from so many things, and most importantly i don't have to be someone i don't wanna be in front of my close friend, she never know how apologetic i feel towards her, and i am super afraid that i might blow up at her one day and what happen 2 years ago might repeat itself again. There is too much rainy days in my life recently, but i will pray hard that the rainbow will show after everything, because no matter what happened, we always have to suck it up and go on in life isn't it?