累

因为我太在乎, 我怕失去, 所以会小心翼翼地揣摩。努力的去迎合深怕那看似愈合的伤口，会因为我而撕裂开来。人与人之间的感情为何总是那么脆弱不堪？

还有一些不知是否会发生的事情，或者我不会让它发生因为我经不起再一次的失去，还是一旦发生了我赌上的不止那一些，失去的也会更多。永远担着的这些问题虽然我会坚强，会处理和面对可是心里的恐惧和不安没有人明白，我也不能说出口。

曾经何时我开始活的那么累?

A Blank Piece Of Paper

Do you once have this feeling in which you just wanna throw everything away, and head to a new place, a new country where nobody knows you and you can start all over again? Like a blank piece of paper? Where you can forget all your unhappiness, start as a whole new person, be who you wanna be, not worrying about how you have to answer to things and no one will judge you? That seems great isn't it?

I've been feeling that ever since the second half of last year, somehow what i say seems to be like running away from reality but really i wanna leave Singapore, anywhere is fine just let me be out of Singapore for at least 2 to 3 years. But family is the one which holds me back, and yes certain people as well they are so special and dear to me, which i can't bear to leave them just like that. But oh well shall see how the future goes, never know what's gonna happen right?

自我怀疑

我做人是不是很失败？我觉得我好像没有智慧那样。一次又一次的伤害我身边珍惜的人，或者到头来我发现我根本不了解我的朋友。我说话还没有长进吗？还是朋友相处太久或是每天黏在一起久了，就一定会有磨擦？这样的人生好累哦，我一直在失去我所珍惜的人，到头来我都不知到该怎么做了。我是真的真的好累好累。为什么我不能潇洒一点？心软和不舍真的是我致命的弱点。

Sunset

Hello 2014 :) I guess i am a little late right? It's already almost mid of Feburary yo. As usual time waits for no man and look in a blink January is gone, chinese new year is coming to an end soon and so does the end of my Year 2 life is drawing near, not to forget that i turned 21, the adulthood which is waiting for me and the responsibility i have to bear becomes heavier but i am happy to shoulder them. :)

I must admit i had a rough half month of January and maybe a little of Feburary? But no matter how bad things are, grit your teeth through and in end things would be resolved somehow? But in the process, never forget who is there for you and who helped you to make things better. It's just like the sunset, every time when a day end, the sun would show it's beauty to the earth before it departs, in life always show the beauty you want others to see, so that they will always remember how once you shown brightly in their lives. Same goes for problems, when the problems are being resolved, it would show the beautiful shade which you worked hard for, so always tell myself never give up and it's okay to be not okay but make sure that we manage to get up after that, there is always hope for everything. I always remember what someone told me "You have this gift of kindness and endurance, your endurance makes you strong and I've seen how you progress in and walk pass so many obstacles with your endurance and tolerance, your kindness is real-felt and it brings warmth to others around you." I will always keep that in mind and go on in my life.

Sunset are beautiful, because they show people how wonderful they are in the day and always let people remember them in the most beautiful, make your life a fruitful one and make sure when your sun sets, you are smiling and people will always remember the once bright sun which gave them warmth and shown brightly in their life. :)

Rainy Days

It's December, almost reaching the end of 2013 time flies and yes this little girl is turning 21 in one & a half month's time and after that no more little girl i guess? :) Because it's the end of the year and it's the monsoon season, so we have rain almost every single day, life is just like rainy days.

Life is always a bitch we all know that and that is something we can't escape, what is more worse is how human's true character is really like, i'm only in my early 20s, still a student and i happen to go through & see so much of what is happening around my life almost everday. Why do we have to make life so difficult for each other? Aren't we all same? We are all humans right? I know nobody is perfect, but some are even our friends, why? Why must we make things so ugly? Anyway i am in no position to say all these because i am one of a bitch myself, i really dislike what my close friend is doing, and i am angry at her but i chose to kept quiet about it, and blame it to the fact that i don't want anything else to happen till we graduated, isn't that very fake and cowardly of me? Being evil to our friends around us, being such a fake person and everything, seriously i am very sick of how i am and what i am developing into.

Nobody knows that being sick for these two days, not going to school actually makes me very happy and i never had such a peaceful 2 days of my life, where i can actually have a breather away from school, and i get to lock myself away from so many things, and most importantly i don't have to be someone i don't wanna be in front of my close friend, she never know how apologetic i feel towards her, and i am super afraid that i might blow up at her one day and what happen 2 years ago might repeat itself again. There is too much rainy days in my life recently, but i will pray hard that the rainbow will show after everything, because no matter what happened, we always have to suck it up and go on in life isn't it?

Alone

I've changed i know myself too well, why? I changed because of him and i changed because of what i saw with my own eyes, it's just only in school not even the society yet and all i feel about life is just make me feel utterly disgusted.

The old me don't fancy wearing sleeveless, i kept my hair short and i never really bother so much about how i look or i never felt that i am so vain before, but i changed because of him which gave me such a huge blow. I hate that i blame him for my change or i should just say straight in the face that because i am vain, which is why i changed right? But the society and him makes me understand that one's appearance is so important. Feel so disgusted on how i blame him & the society and i feel so disgusted on how such a two face person i am. What i see and experience in school makes me feel even more disgusted, why does human have to be this way? I know it's the way of life and everything but seriously everyday going school just makes me feel really just so disgusted...

Nothing beats being alone, with my favourite sand, sea and sky. Went out alone today for a walk and really it feels so good, esp when i feel my feet being buried in the sand and the cooling sea water splashing on my legs. That's the only place where i can really let-go of myself and makes me feel just slightly better.

Conclusion for the 6 weeks of break.

Time flies and so soon it's already the last day of my Y2S1 term break, so when school starts tomorrow new semester, new classmates and new modules and new shit that i have to go through and see as a RP student. 6 weeks of holidays seems to pass so fast, but 6 weeks of school seems to take forever to reach. Anyway gonna share what happen in my holidays and the major activities which i went to and everything.

Starting of my holidays i went to Beijing China with my family members, we had loads of fun as i finally have to chance to visit all the historical places which i really wish to go and also we manage to visit other famous landmarks and also shopping paradise of Beijing.

Next met up with half of the AMM peeps for Donny's house warming, as usual we had fun and laughter and also thinking back to all the good old days at AMM, the buffet food was awesome and of course seeing all my fellow AMM kakis :)

Also during this holiday i have to take care of my grandma, the job of taking her back to the hospital for some of the check-ups lands on me, because one thing i am the only free one, the other is i love her too much so i don't mind taking care of her, and see we look good together in the photo yea? :D

Also meeting my dearest Y1S1 besties Ding Qi is also a must during my term break, we are always meuseum buddies and we travel around singapore to find interesting exhibitions and historical stuff. :)

Thanks to Yu Xin, we get to revive our childhood and head to the zoo, we had fun esp since we had been childhood friends and we know each other for 9 years already, had an awesome sunday with them. :)

Lunch with Aunty Lim & Vik and after that we went to pay a visit to wing, he is adorable but somehow i'm afraid of him as well hehe. :P

Head back to college central to visit all our lecturers and also my dear CA Ms Elfa, they treated us lunch and we really spend a long afternoon over there and we left super late, but if i am given a chance i rather go back to ITE again somehow.

Went clubbing at Mink with the girls Rad & Xiu Li one for ladies night which is quite fun, and another for guest list on a saturday night but that night was horrible, and non of us really enjoyed it much at all. Neverthless it's a good experience and yes me & Rad was like literally mad hehe :P

Met Jemmy for movie and lunchie in the afternoon and ganga & Kat for road-side dinner, simple and nice also had an awesome time catching up with each other. :D

Went on to USS to had my enjoyment time before my pass expires on november 30th, had fun but not really excited because after going there for too many times, somehow we can expect what to see, and what kind of rides they have for us already. :/

Met my poly girls for lunchie at seoul garden and guess what? Our dearest Vik ate too much and she literally vomited in the washroom after our meal, and she knocks down the dustbin beside the esclator inside the shopping mall. Imagine all the face-palm face we shown when we are with her. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA XD

Finally the day comes for our annual BBQ at Sean's place :) The usual fun, laughter and nonsense us haha and yes heaven have to rain cats and dogs on us at 10pm plus, just like how it was the previous year. *Roll Eyes* But still most important we had fun and that's the main point hehe :D

Finally just finished the newton challenge 2013 volunteer event with Rad and Yi Lin, and both me and Rad manage to corrupt Yi Lin haha and she becomes like us, who looks at hot guys hehe. But i swear it's tiring because it's not fun doing event when it's day 01 or day 02, but i guess i don't have a choice do it? O.o But at least we get 25 bucks in the end. :D

This is what happens mostly during my term break, and actually comparing to my other term breaks i went out wayy lesser this time round, but u still had fun and i have my sleep, so i am contented. :) Okay that's it for now and see you when i see you sooon yea? Tomorrow is first day of school yo hais. :( Good Night Earth. :)