有誰知道我有多累，心裡有多崩潰。

生日快乐...

今天五月六日是你的生日，原谅我想要彻底的断了不该有的任何联系与对你的感情，我选择沉默。也许也是我那幼稚的以牙还牙想法吧，因为你明明记得我的生日但你也是沉默所以自己也有那么卑鄙的想法吧。或许我也是累了，不想要在自作多情了，只有决绝才能从这场恶梦中醒来，让我忘了你。无论如何生日快乐，你成年了，要好好照顾自己。对自己做的事情要负责任，我希望你记得己所不欲，勿施于人。不要在伤害别人了。

对不起但因为我还爱着你，所以原谅我不能面对你，也原谅我的自私吧。

Hello 2016 & Goodbye 2015

So fast another year pass by, I would say that 2015 is a year which is both a blessing and a horrible one, just a brief recap of the major happenings in my life within that year. Firstly i lost my beloved 2nd aunt, she passed away on 19th of Feb 2015, i didn't get to see her for the last time, because i'm sick myself and i felt that she really suffered a lot before she pass away i just feel very upset when I mention/thought about her. I pray that she will be free of sufferings and pains in the new world, and lead a better after-life.
Next mummy went through treatment for her cancer, and i'm blessed because she manage to get rid of all the remaining tumor and cancerous cells within her body. Then graduated from poly, a huge milestone which i completed in my life, and i'm grateful for all my family & friends who came by and give me their congratulations also those who gave me their blessings in any ways.

Following up, i guess i lost a relationship and maybe a good friend? I lost my own precious gift as well, at age 22 even though i don't regret it anyway. We officially ended our dating/not dating status? I really used to believed that you will fall for me, or i can help bring you out of her pain, but looks like i can't and maybe we're not suitable for each other, we're better off as good friends aren't we? But we can't rewind time and i guess we'll be strangers for life isn't it? I don't hate you, or dislike you at all unlike my friends who felt injustice for me, but i guess in relationship it's always like this isn't it? I just pray that what happen between us, won't be inflicted onto another girl please i don't know how i manage to endure so much, when you're the one who inflicted the most amount of pain to me but i know that i can't go through another round of this anymore.
"The worst types of breakups are the ones you aren’t allowed to mourn. The ones where you cry yourself to sleep, staring at a phone, that is silent. You wake up the next day swallow, put on a brave face and carry on with your day. Because when you’ve never actually dated someone, apparently you aren’t allowed to be hurt when you lose them."
Now in 2016, it's time for me to let go of you, and also the promise which you told me back in 2014. I have to walk away, even though it's never easy for me.

Lastly i manage to secure a job, the first job which i applied and is something which i really wanna do a lot, i'm really lucky, felt super grateful and thus i will work hard for my job. Strive hard so that i can not only save up, but also to manage to go Australia to study my University.

I pray and hope that 2016 would be a better one, and everyone would be healthy and happy. :)

I miss your arms, your shoulders, your lips & most importantly I miss you. I thought I was doing well, until last Saturday, when you showed up late for a birthday celebration. I didn't expect all those from you & yes I miss lying beside you, on your chest, hugging you while you patted me to sleep, your fingers locked within mine & the kiss you planted on my cheek.

& I realised that it has always been you, & it will always be you.

Which is worse?